03/26/09 Philip K. Howard Wants To Do Away With Silly Lawsuits, Sue Him Before He Succeeds !!!!

Life without lawyer jokes

Time Out New York

Get your dose of common sense tonight as lawyer Philip K. Howard discusses his new book, Life Without Lawyers at The New-York Historical Society. Howard’s book criticizes, pretty fairly really, the impact of a litigious culture on our schools and our health-care system, and even the impact of being legally self-conscious on our actions. What would have happened if Captain Sullenberger had considered the legal implications before acting? (We would have probably never got to appreciate his fine, upstanding mustache for one.)

As sensible as this all sounds, we’re still not sure if we’re ready to live in a world without ridiculous lawsuits and the comical bureaucracy they spawn. After the jump, the best examples from Howard’s book

1. A Washington judge sued a dry cleaners for $54 million after losing his (not diamond-encrusted) pants. He is still appealing the case two years later.

2. A jury awarded $6 million to someone who had broken his leg on the sledding hill in Greenwich, Connecticut, causing nearby towns to forbid people from sledding on town property (those killjoys).

3. In 2005, a girl in kindergarten in St. Petersburg, Florida, went on a “rampage”, trashing a classroom. Since teachers were wary of placing a hand on a child, police led her away in handcuffs.

4. A five-inch fishing lure, with a three-pronged hook, now comes with the following legend on its side: “Harmful if swallowed.”

5. A music teacher was accused of misconduct after positioning a child’s fingers on a flute (the monster—we hated music lessons too).

6. A letter opener, which wasn’t a mini chain saw, included the missive “Caution: Safety Goggles Recommended.”

The talk starts at 6:30pm and costs $15, or costs N-YHS a lot more if you inadvertently lose your pants/break your leg sledding/swallow a fishing lure/poke yourself in the eye with a letter opener.