The reporting at the
Greenwich Citizen
is such a joke.
"If the President of the United States is accused of violating the law on the same day that an African country erupts into civil war and an especially gloomy economic report is released, and you must decide which one is your lead story, ask yourself this: Did the local sports team just win a big game?"
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A reporter and an editor are lost in the desert. They’ve been without food or water for days, and it’s beginning to look like this is the end. Then, just as they’re ready to give up, they see a shimmer on the horizon. They run toward it and see — an oasis! With their last ounce of strength they run to it.
The reporter reaches it first and jumps into a lake of the cleanest, freshest, tastiest water he’s ever experienced. He gulps down the water and splashes around in it. Then he looks up and sees the editor, who instead of drinking the water is standing at the waterline and urinating into it.
“What the hell are you doing?” the reporter shouts.
“I’m making it better,” the editor says.
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Some friends get together to go hunting in the Maine woods. On their way to the campsite, they pass a farm with a sign posted in front: HUNTING DOG AVAILABLE. So they head up to the farm and ask the owner how much it would cost to borrow the dog for a day.
“His name is Reporter and you can have him for $20 a day,” the owner says. They pay the money, and after setting up camp they get started. Reporter turns out to be a fabulous hunting dog, flushing out all kinds of game. They use him every day and go home agreeing it was money well spent.
For the next few years, the friends return to the same spot in Maine and rent Reporter each day. Over the years, Reporter’s price keeps creeping up: $30, $40, $70. Each time the hunters pay it, because Reporter is a matchless hunting dog.
Then, one year, they head up to the Maine farm and ask to rent the dog. “You can have him for $5,” the owner says.
The friends are stunned. “Last time we were here, you charged us $70 to use the dog,” one of them says. “What happened?”
“Reporter’s no good anymore,” the owner says. “Last year I rented him out and some idiot called him Editor. Now he doesn’t do anything except sit on his ass and bark.”
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GreenwichRoundup@gmail.com
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