Greenwich Roundup: 05/02/08 - Where The Heck Is Chris Fountain And His "For What It's Worth" Column In The Greenwich Post Real Estate Section

Friday, May 2, 2008

05/02/08 - Where The Heck Is Chris Fountain And His "For What It's Worth" Column In The Greenwich Post Real Estate Section

Greenwich Is Going To Hell In A
Hand Basket

This has been a horrible week.

First I was reading the Greenwich Time Real Estate Column that is written by that guy I like to call "The Chris Fountain Wanna Be"

Because everyone knows that there is only one true real estate columnist in Greenwich and he is the almost amazing and semi-incredible Chris Fountain.

Anyway, "Mr. Greenwich Time Wanna Be" was spreading an ugly rumor in his newspaper column about how Chris Fountain's suave and debonair real estate column was a fading memory at the Greenwich Post.

I just ignored the snippy little remark, and assumed that this Mr. Wanna Be was on some kind of narcotic medication or jealous or something.

But the mother of all horrors occurred when my copy of the Greenwich Post came in the mail today.

Ahhhhh.....I COULD NOT FIND CHRIS FOUNTAIN'S FOR WHAT IT"S WORTH COLUMN.

It seems like just last week I was reading about how David Oglivy's impressive power of persuasion got all of the unwashed real estate agents inside the doors of the Helmsley estate.

I laughed at how Mr. Fountain talked of the proposed 30,000 foot monstrosity on Simmons Lane being a tad over sized. And like him I was intrigued about why an eight - bedroom house would host 26 bathrooms.

Then I remember reading that Realogy, the corporation which owns a slew of real estate firms like Coldwell Banker, Sotheby's and Century 21 was sucking wind, because of huge debt obligations and not a lack of sales.

Then I enjoyed his rant about how the mainstream media were just figuring out that palm and corn oil are not going to save the planet, but will lead to deforestation and a doubling of food prices.

I was shocked to learn that it costs as least as much energy to produce a gallon of the stuff that it yields. Who Knows, maybe Chris is right about this Global Warming thing being a "Hoax"

Lastly, I remember Chris Fountain warning everyone that newspaper reporters often attribute out of context quotes to innocent persons who are stupid enough to open their pie hole. Worse yet Mr. Fountain shocked me when he said quotes are often invented by these evil traditional mainstream newspaper reporters.

I agreed with Mr. Fountain when he clearly said, "You just can't trust those cellar dwelling mainstream reporter guys who often crawl out from under a rock to misquote innocent newspaper columnists about real estate."

I laughed so hard when Mr. Fountain singled out that New York Times reporter and called him a "dirty low down toe sucking", something or other that "did not know his rear end from A hole in the ground"

For the record I would like to note that Mr. Fountain DID NOT say that you couldn't trust one eyed citizen journalists who hunt and peck on a keyboard to deliver a Greenwich based blog.

However, I did think it was a bit much when Mr. Fountain used his "For What It's Worth" newspaper column to make several nasty comments about the reporter's "fat and ugly" mother.

After remembering how Mr. Fountain had been misquoted by the New York Times I just went and sat in my favorite chair. It's the one that no one else is allowed to sit in.

I was sitting there planning on cancelling my subscription to the Greenwich Post in order to protest the disappearance of Mr. Fountain's real estate column.

But there was a problem. I never really subscribed to the Greenwich Post. That newspaper just sort of comes labeled "current occupant".

So I just sat in my easy chair and suffered "For what it's worth" column withdrawal symptoms.

Then all of a sudden I saw my wives jar of quarters that she uses to do the laundry in the graffiti covered place commonly called

"Beautiful And Exotic Downtown Byram".

I mean her laundry jar was loaded with quarters, there was probably at least five quarters for every state in America.

As I looked at this jar full of quarters I got the biggest money making idea I ever had.

I was going to change those quarters into millions thanks to Chris Fountain.

That's right I am going to take my wives jar of laundry quarters to the Greenwich Library and photocopy the last three or four years of Chris Fountain's Columns.

Then I am going to plagiarize the heck out of each and evryone of them and everyone in Greenwich will wonder how a rude and crude citizen journalist became so insightful and witty.

All I have to do is change names and places in order to protect the innocent.

Instead of writing about a dumpy street in Riverside I will write about a dumpy street in Banksville or Cos Cob.

Soon everyone will want to invite me to their "Fancy Nancy" back country parties and I will make all kinds of high powered media connections.

Then I will most likely end up writing my plagiarized column for the New York Times, Wall Journal or maybe even the Bergen County Gazette.

But many of you are probably asking what is the rude and crude citizen journalist going to do when all the photocopied Fountain real estate columns run out.

Forget about it...

I'll just go to the Greenwich Library and checkout Mr. Fountains book about what would happen if a bunch of Indians came to Greenwich and wanted their land back.

You remember that book, don't you

Greenwich Mean Time By Christopher Fountain

Maybe, I will write a book about some Indians showing up on the Upper East Side Of Manhattan. After I write this book I go on a book tour and meet Larry King and my favorite star of all time - Uma Thurman. I always wanted to meet Larry and Uma.

Look at this I am already on my way to making my second million and I owe it all to Chris Fountain and his Greenwich Post Real Estate Column.

I sure hope Mr. Fountain means all of that stuff he wrote about being a reformed lawyer turned realator.

You know what they say, "Once A Lawyer, Always A Lawyer."

I guess I leave my wives jar of quarters alone.

Because you just can't trust lawyers.

I mean they have nothing better to do Than to go around taking

honest plagiarizers who are just trying to make a buck to court.

But I feel like I must do something about not being able to read this weeks installment of

"For What It's Worth".

I know, Monday morning I am going to get up bright and early and call the Greenwich Post and tell them that my name is "Current Occupant" and I want them to cancel ALL of my subscriptions to the Greenwich Post.

Now that's going to hurt.

I'll Bet the Greenwich Post's circulation will be cut in half.

===========================================

Update .... Update .... Update

A few Greenwich Roundup Readers

Have Informed Me

That Chris Fountain Has A Blog

Check Out This Post:

Fired! My publisher, Greenwich Post, has just fire...

Fired!

My publisher, Greenwich Post, has just fired me - according to the owner, it came down to a choice between my readers, who liked me, and certain real estate agencies who did not. The latter pays bills, the former does not, so I got the heave ho. Fair enough, but I question the wisdom of eliminating one of the few items in a newspaper that, according to my readers,anyway, made the paper worth perusing. If you have no readers, who will advertise? Oh well. I'll be punching up my posting activity on this site, so please check in regularly for truthful reporting on the real estate scene. If you'd like calm, reassuring news that your real estate investment in Greenwich is doing just fine, feel free to check the Greenwich Post each week.

News Flash

One reason I was dumped was, I believe, my reporting a New York Times report that Realogy, parent company of Coldwell Banker, Century 21 and Soetheby's, was in danger of going bankrupt. I hear from other agents that staff members of at least one of those firms haven't been paid in 4 weeks - they got flowers on their desks this past Friday. That's a nice touch, but try placating your landlord with a bunch of wilted orchads.

===================================

Now I Am Mad.

I Am Really Mad Now

Monday Morning I Am Not Going To Call The Greenwich Post

I Am Going To Call A Lawyer

Because

Chris "The Idea Thief" Fountain

Has Stole

My Million Dollar Idea

To Put All Of The

"For What It's Worth"

Columns